Eleven
Eleven years ago today I registered the jcornelius.com domain name. Time has flown and much has happened since then. The web has transformed into quite a different place. Hardly anyone had heard of Google back then, and few of those who had took it seriously. Facebook and Twitter didn’t exist. Hell, social networking didn’t exist. Video didn’t exist on the web. People still used Geocities, AOL, and HTML 3.2. But this isn’t about a history of the web.
In that time I’ve bought and sold houses, cars, and a litany of other material things. I’ve been to 5 other countries and now live (happily) in a different part of my own. The most significant, meaningful, and—in the end—horribly traumatic relationship I’ve ever known began and ended. As a result I’ve learned a lot about myself and been given the greatest gift a man could ever know. My son.
Now when I look at The Boy I see a glimmer of the ambitious twenty-something that registered this domain all those years ago. A hint of myself at a more curious, energetic, and gullible time of my life. Of course, the wonder of the world as seen by a six year old could never be experienced once that age is passed. Nevertheless, it’s these very qualities we lack as adults that we could use most. The Boy has never tried many things. And to him, all the things he hasn’t done are easy. “You just do it.”, he says with a smile.
We adults know better. We’ve tried and failed. We know how hard it is to lift a couch, plan our finances, and maintain a relationship. We’re too burdened by our previous failures and negative experiences to think all things are possible. But they are.
In India (and the circus), young elephants are shackled with an iron cuff and heavy chains tied very securely to an anchor. Try as they might, the young animal cannot break free or move beyond the bounds of the chain. Eventually they accept this fate, and the trainer can lighten the restraint. As adults, the elephants can be bound by a lightweight rope because when they feel the tug against their skin as they move, their conditioning tells them further effort is futile. They simply stopped trying. We do this too, and it’s sad.
When I realized the anniversary of this site was looming it triggered a bit of reflection. Eleven years ago I had a sharply focused idea of where I wanted to be in the distant future. I’m happy to report that most of that picture has been completed as intended. Other parts however are quite deformed and difficult to look at. Through the journey I’ve learned that life has a myriad of surprises for us all. Some are disgusting, some are beautiful. All are valuable. I’ve learned to take as much from the bad experiences as I do from the good ones. To keep the lessons of them all fresh in my memory.
So as I look forward to the next decade I will try do so through the eyes of my youth. Curious, ambitious, a little gullible, but tempered with the wisdom of all the experiences this wonderful life has given me. With some luck, I’ll be writing a post entitled ‘twenty-two’ soon, and with a entirely new perspective.
